Reflections on “The Person You Mean to Be – How Good People Fight Bias”

The first community book study for ELQI in 2023 was the book “The Person You Mean to Be – How Good People Fight Bias” by Dolly Chugh. We met on four separate evenings to discuss what we had read, reflect together, make connections to what we have been taught and are unlearning, and to continue our own understanding and learning of our biases.

If you aren’t familiar with this book or Dolly Chugh’s work, you might be interested in watching this video from her website.

At the end of our book study discussions, I invited the participants to share some feedback with me. After reading the reflections shared, I believe it is fair to say this book study provided an opportunity for a lot of personal reflection and learning (and unlearning).

When asked what they were asked what they took away from this book study and for a general reflection that could be shared in a blog post, these are their responses:

• It is okay not to have all the right words, or be a perfect person. The important thing is saying something rather than nothing, and it’s okay to be good ish.
• That you need to not worry so much about offending someone. Also need unlearn and learn more. Be an active listener. Willing to be open and have those deep conversations
• How important people’s stories and perspectives are. That there are people from different cultures and life experiences that may not be the same as mine. Understanding each other and having the willingness to learn about other cultures is important in our growth as humans. After reading this book I’m taking away that it’s important not to strive to be a good person, but to take each day striving to be a good-ish person. Someone who walks through life with a growth mentality.
• Every day is new learning opportunity to use your voice in way that matters the most especially when it comes to people’s safety. I learned that no one is perfect but we need to strive to be better.
• Thinking about my ordinary privilege and the ways I might be able to use it. A great reminder to “focus and notice” more on a daily basis. Discussion brought up a lot of different personal scenarios that I had experienced , times that I wished I had spoken up. I am feeling a little more comfortable in my approach and realizing that ” saying something matters. “
• This book helped me gain better insight into some of my own bias – as well as giving me more confidence in what to say when I hear or see something that is not right. Saying something is better then saying nothing.
• I felt this book was a true eye opener to me. I noticed things about myself through it. I felt it taught me ways to address those “uncomfortable” conversations with others. It also did prepare me of things that I may have never noticed. I remember reading parts of the book and just nodding in agreement.
• I think this book study was really good. It was interesting to hear other people’s views and ideas of their interpretation of the book. I think it is a must read for people wanting to learn about their own biases and to learn a bit more about diversity. It gives people the opportunity to acknowledge the obstacles/ challenges people from different cultures go through in this world by acknowledging your own privileges.
• It was an eye opening opportunity to learn more and to try and better myself as I continue to grow. I liked how the book gave insight into real life situations that I feel everyone would be able to relate to someway somehow, whether it be through a real life encounter or something they have seen on the news, social media ect. The discussions we had on a week to basis, was an environment that felt safe and judgment free. I was able to learn so much simply by listening to those who spoke and gave their input. I will miss our weekly chats.
• I really enjoyed my first book study. “The Person You Mean to Be” ( How good People Fight Bias) . This book is a thorough but gentle reminder that even though we feel we are good people, we often don’t see the opportunities to do better. It is a wonderful guide for those that want to grow and learn about bias and how we can use our ordinary privilege to support positive change for everyone in our daily lives.

Thank you to those who shared their reflections and feedback to share here with all of you. We do have copies of this book available in the ELQI library if you are interested in reading it. If you have read this book and would like to share your reflections, we would read them in the comments.